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The Ruins of This Life (Twentieth Anniversary)

by Fiesel

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1.
I can't stop sweating in this freezing cold room and my body aches more than I thought possible and it makes me wish that you weren't gone from here what did you think about leaving? last time I held you believing I'd ask you why if I could speak at all these days breathe in, breathe out just don't leave me dying I've been screaming to keep all this hidden it's finally leaving through this hole that I've bled now I'm thinking that I'm better off dead please be still and quiet I can't hear you thinking
2.
we were standing in the street he said the ride home would be a good corridor lost and stranded five days alone but I didn't know what he meant until the middle of the morning all I've left behind everywhere I've gone you're here in my mind I'm home, stuck in nowhere you lent us your home discovered your life wish it was mine I wish I could just hand you the answers but I don't even know the questions do you even know yourself?
3.
Coin Return 06:58
still stalling waiting for a time that left you drowning in your own lack of common sense you set your mouth aside and I fall hard and I fall far a man unguarded I wake up and it's gone it's barred shut with nothing inside and it's the way you say things that stops you stop shouting I can't think straight and it keeps me wide awake
4.
and your eyes just stare back at me your face like a blank canvas waiting to be art you have that uncertain stare like children lined up for a portrait pose not quite sure if you're where you're supposed to be and mildly confused it makes me laugh and it makes me cry and even though it's been so long I still can't find the time I know we're far apart I feel you in my heart you should be
5.
I waited for you there standing there all night so long in the cold if I could just be with you for one more night I could wash the taste of you from my mind and I can't wait to see you you woke me last night with crying and you suffer your last days in pain rewrite history as you see fit saving every wasted second counterfeit in your place you paint the walls with our blood my hand turns into a fist a makeshift tourniquet my eyes can't just open knowing that you'll be gone stand alone in a storm I can't see anything and the rain in my eyes makes me lose my way home I've been locked inside all I hide I can't wait to see you dead
6.
7.
Choke 01:01
I can only repeat myself to you so many times before everything loses meaning everything loses meaning I don't have anything left to say that you would want to hear in one ear out your mouth, choke
8.
9.
I swim the reservoir beneath your skin I am a simple thing our symbiance ripples of dissonance in a reflecting pool highway exit, psychic transit someone needs to cross the threshold and then we fall from the skies like cherry blossoms in your eyes I fly to my death like you've never held me I should be with you
10.
11.
stuck in a situation pounding the confrontation I'll find my own way through abomination argument in front of me stuck in a rotation, repeat why am I here with you agglomeration experiment is part of me I am free
12.
13.
when the message came it read 'wait, I'll meet you there' and as I wait the pain and the fear set in or is it the fear of pain and it's approaching the way it's coming is undetermined one shot and I pray you get here first one shot when everything is nothing wounded and crawling you're wounded and crawling too if only we could reach each other we could heal time passes without definition if only we could reach each other time left wondering of words yet to be heard and I remember you whispering 'hold my hand as I die'
14.
15.

credits

released May 6, 2022

Fiesel:
Dan Benoit: drums, vocals
Jerry Sivret: guitar, vocals
Jesse Thomas: bass, vocals

"The Ruins of This Life"
Recorded and mixed by Kurt Ballou at GodCity in Norwood, MA, May 2002. Mastered by Alan Douches at West West Side, NYC.

Bonus material recorded and mixed by Kurt at GodCity. Tracks 8-13 originally appeared on the s/t EP on Losing Blueprint (LBP011), 2001. Track 14 appeared on "The Luxury Sounds" comp on Losing Blueprint (LBP012), 2002. Track 15 appeared on the "DC-FIY" comp, 2003.

Add'l mastering on all tracks by Andrew Wagner at Faded Maps, Somerville, MA, April 2022. Artwork by Fiesel and AW.

All songs composed, arranged and performed by Dan Benoit, Jerry Sivret and Jesse Thomas.

Released on CD on Losing Blueprint (LBP013), December 3, 2002. Reissued digitally on Secondhand Clocks (SHC013), May 6, 2022.

For more Fiesel recordings, check out the Bandcamp site run by bassist Jesse Thomas at fiesel.bandcamp.com.

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Fiesel Worcester, Massachusetts

everything loses meaning EVERYTHING LOSES MEANING

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